theOries....

last entry

2005-10-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

this will be the last entry....no more blogging for me.
thanks for everything...

conclusion.

2005-09-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

will be back to werk today.it has been a long weekend for me..everythg's said n done.i hope it doesnt ends here...time will heal e wounds.ive always believed in tt..or i wish to believe that..i juz wan the year to end real soon....dun ask me why but i juz hope it ends...tt's where i can look back n re-evaluate the resolutions ive set maself...for now itz back to norm...something tt ive been numb to fer the past year or so....welcome back ish!

wrecked&tyred...really...

2005-09-26T12:20:00.000+08:00

seven days gone...black eyed peas gone.exams over.4days werk gone.sickness gone.sunday's gone too..due to e fact tt i was @werk...but one thing still remains,im a mentalwreck n fcuked rtye now...for e past few days...everythg is clouded in ma head...there's no certainty...wat more a vision tt i hope would help me see things more clearer...a clearer view.clearer mind. im juz nt feeling it...people are always talking bout looking for "the one" in their lives... n some can know it thru instinct...itz juz a feeling..honestly...im not feeling it...

killing.rascists.aint.a.crime

2005-09-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

itz a monday...e last tyme i wrote an entry was one week ago...one week ago it was raining...n it was e same again today...today's one of ma best buddy birthday...NORIZWAN..!!Heheheheee...the coolest dude with e good looks n car to go along wit it...HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY..!!pls grow up at e same tyme yah... tink he goes by e name..WAN LANCER nowadays...am i ryte bro?? finally the racists bloggers are caught...there's no place for rascism anywhere.rascism kills.
fcuk rascism.why should there be so much hate in e world?its so fcuking senseless...prejudice by e colour of ya skin??wad e fcuk ryte...a new sentence must be given to all this people...death sentence doesnt sound so bad?? another friend got married yesterday...congrats to AHMAD ASHARY...wedding's like the in thing now..hahahahaa..alryte,its not...but attending em is i tink...bumped into HANIS yday...weird...seeing her there at e wedding afta such a long tyme ....
1 more day....let's get it started in here...!!!time to get stoopid n retarded..so let's go..

weatherforecast..."overcast skies all over the island"

2005-09-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

itz monday...start of a new week...not exactly how u wanna wakeup....looking out the window...staring at dark clouds looming in the skies...waiting to pour when u least expect it....caught e VMA05 over the weekend, i would say that its rather disappointing n all...too many stop n go moments...if not for GREEN DAY's award..i probably give it a miss..i wanna catch the longest yard...simply becoz itz an adam sandler's movie....hope itz kewl n all...reading the reviews in papers tho....they say otherwise...hhmmm...8more days to Black Eyed Peas concert..cant wait fer that...tho i do hope more artists n bands will make their way down here more often...im dreaming of ipod nano now.....amazingly small n cute..yet it can hold so many songs...technology i say..scary...

the.beginning.of.the.end

2005-09-08T17:12:00.000+08:00

work.sleep.work.the routyne continues...the only one thing that has been popping up in ma head...too busy tinking of mindless stuff that im oblivious to the world news and events...didnt even noe bout hurricane katrina till i slept late one fyne nyte to watch bbc news...tragic.definitely.im juz wondering how a country as big as the US..can be so freaking slow to provide aid to its own state... everythg points back to the war in middle-east,iraq...hey bush,its not always bout the war!!few hours later...a jetliner crashed down in medan,indonesia... signs are ominous...evrythg is not going ryte in world now...i believe that it will continue for the next months to come...scary??i think ryte now...the world is too caught up with war n violence, blinded by e fact that there are other people suffering right now...famine.poverty.diseases....but still the main priority will be e god damn soldiers..funnny isnt it?all this is happening ryte under the watchful eyes of the world...the cry for help is left unheard.will remain unheard....

sunday.morning.news.

2005-09-04T08:05:00.000+08:00

sunday.morning.news.itz been three hellish nytes @werk...the whinings continues...forever&ever again...im so not looking forward to next..fcuking company taking advantage of the situation ryte now...whu in e ryte mind wans to come back on a rest day for freaking training??fcuking hell...sunday.morning. make me so fcuking mad.it seems that everybody's leaving..somehow...sooner or later..mostly the people that i know...i wonder??here i am thinking that im like e only one who has that thought in mind....apparently not huh??finally they understand my dilemmas..so many things i wanna do before ramadhan comes... it's like only a month away...coz if i dun, most likely the things will be left untouched or done....it usually happens...40winks.shuteye.sleep.that's what im deprived of right now...i feel like having laksa...dunoe why...chee cheong fun....
soon kueh...hmmm.....finally someone passed her btt!!

window.shopping.kills.

2005-08-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

overcast skies on a tuesday.Not exactly e perfect way to start e day...well-rested donced the last 2daes...kinda bummed out at home...so what's e remedy?? window shopping.retail therapy.(only wen e cashflow is good)....which reminds me..tinking of $$$$ too much can be harmful n cause damage to e brain...so u mite as well smoke while ure at it...me n nad practically walked all the way frm far east to heeren...covering every inch available from scotts rd to orchard road...people say there nothing's much there...true...not if u go down there like once a fortnyte..shoes.tees.caps.bags.damn.damn.i can go crazy looking at new arrivals...i wun be tempted as yet..too many $$$$$ issues to settle first....for now...itz juz window shopping n peeping...lucky im not a gerl...

saw furqan @heeren...gosh..got to catch up wit him a bit...but from e lil bits..i tink he's doing well n enjoying his lyfe...doing some freelance werk as art director shit like that...u noe those behind e scenes things...another success from infamous st.pats.of.96....wonder whoelse has alrdy made it so far....i really like to noe...

sunday's a chore....

2005-08-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

finally itz my off days...the luxury of werking shift...hehehehe..itz sunday again..surprisingly i wasnt too keen on being outdoors today...apart frm e fact that i hurt ma leg yesterday...been months sinced i cleaned up ma room n everythg that's been lying or hanging around in the room...sometimes e sight of ma room irks me...i wish that i have everythg in my room like nad...so nyce and so complete..i dun hafta go out n juz cooped myself in there 24hrs all year long...

the black eyed peas are coming...20th sept to be exact...like 3weeks away..good seats come wit a price...hmmmmso wad shall it be???59bucks....79bucks...?? stomp is coming too...urghhh...all coming at a wrong tyme...hehehee...i've juz watched the dvd..friday night lights...kinda cool show bout high skool american football...kinda heartwarming...based on a true story...datz all fer now....gonna go enjoy my super sundays...

words.are.only.words

2005-08-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

firstly...happy 27th birthday to @man...lu sudah tua geng...!!itz been kinda a hellish week fer me @werk...dunoe why..juz feel that way bout it...neverending issues keep cropping up..wad e fcuk..august ending soon...deprivation of sleep is an understatement.sleep is a privilege.priceless.head still in a mess...im still going nowhere...???get my drift..??

words will always remain as words if there's no action following up to it...like promises if u dun keep it...someone's gettg on ma fcuking nerves with his fcuking lame attitude..u only have fcuking words but no actions to back it up...fcuking hell..stop screwing up n messing wit her head..watever it is that ure trying to prove or pull...im not buying it...there's a limit to someone's patience n emotions..she offers hand of friendship..u give her hatred..watelse do u want?? ever heard of karmic reaction...i hope u noe who u are...coz ure starting to instill hatred in me.....

my.birthday.

2005-08-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

ive officially join the club of twentyfive25...wahahaha...saying that makes me sound so freakg old...then again i hafta face up to reality...coz i really am 25 now..itz weird tho somehow this year...things turn out to be different this year round..my mom actually remembers ma birthday..hehehe cutes..organnize a mini get-together for e whole familia at sis place yesterday...i cut a cake!! uh huh..u heard me...mom bought me a cake!!it's like a celebration...tink e last tyme i did that was like 6yrs back maybe....??was trying not to be excited... but yesterday was really fun n all...e kecohness...family...i miss that a lot...

before i proceed...tink the celebration all took place yesterday...hehehee spent the day @pahlawan beach,sentosa...early morning...e weather was unpredictable..rain..sun..rain...i luv beaches.i luv sand.i luv e sun.been a while...spendg e day yesterday was juz great...apart that im now darker than ever...swimming n lazing on e beach...went to catch midnyte show...the maid..
last nyte...kinda nyce twist...but itz not really a scary2 movie u noe...not really as creepy as i like it to be...hehehee...i lurve ma birthday pressie n e other thing..hehehhee im officially sponsored by volcom now huh??

thanks for everything...sentosa...party..movie..volcom...u made it all happen regardless whether u plan it or not...now im really really tired as hell...tink i will not eat pizzas for e next few weeks to come...thanks for e well-wishes...from ma friends n whover u are...

sixteenjuly05

2005-08-17T13:13:00.000+08:00

almost one week...sinced i last update this blog...been real bz n lazy at werk i guessed...with so many nonsensical things coming up at work..read:zero overtime.read: training w/o ot pay.read: cover shift w/o ot pay.yeah... blame it on economy..blame it on e market....dun blame e company tho...wad e fcuk ryte...haizzzz...shall not elaborate further..simply said i hate werk.

itz been a crazy...upside down week...dunoe why...but juz feels that way now... dun u tink so too??hehehee....but i guessed these are e little things which are gonna mould the future....bit by bit...slowly it will take shape...k i wanna go eat now....e story continues...

itz a wet thursday....

2005-08-11T14:03:00.000+08:00

itz pouring now....afta so many hot n humid days...like finally enrolled for ma 2a licence...afta such a freakg long tyme...hopefully it'll turn out a-okay...i would recommend "charlie&thechocolatefactory" to everyone out there.....itz a must see movie...so colorful n cute...itz juz a wonderful movie...from willy wonka antics to the irritating ooommpa lummpas...hahahaa..scary i tell those lil midgets..

im still waiting...hmmm...its such a drag...waiting n not knowing what to expect..so many what ifs...uh huh..im not being that optimistic as the days in august passed by...i did it the first tyme...why not now??someone help me pleasee....itz a headache...

racism shall not be tolerated.....fcuk racism.

sundaysunsets@ec

2005-08-08T13:24:00.000+08:00

mailto:sunsets@ec

such a beautiful sight

its e eve of national day........was down at eastcoast yesterday....having burgers n chilling out wit zaid n cindy@ their stall... the place forever crowded on a sunday.it was fcuking hot too...we were like perspiring like hell...watching sunsets by the bay

my life right now...see the girl in e pix??the reason why im always smiling more now...one crazyassshit girl who's driving me up the wall..wit her crazy antics n nonsensical shit...she can irritate, that's for sure....one thing tho...she cant read me...of what is running thru ma head...she gets irritated by that...all i can say.. ure not e only one...im sure that in tyme to come...u'll definitely get it right one day...in e meantime...juz chillout...let's juz do crazy stuff...let e madness takeover us...let's juz not tink...deal??let's juz carry on irritating the shit out of each other...eat more cheesydogs n watching more sunsets together......get into more trouble....apart from all that...this gal is finally putting me in place.. putting more sense in me...everything without compromise..we'll noe where it will lead us to then...

p.s--im so in luv wit u...

holidays over.

2005-08-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

my holidays are finally over....im dreading to go back werk afta such a long break..eventually i hafta return bk to e shithole i guessed..how long can i be on mc...hehehe...im juz being plain lazy..5hrs before i head back there...past few days have been raining heavily...eyes back to normal too...feels weird looking in e mirror..thank god itz finally healed..bad experience...cant wait to wear ma contacts once again...!!the other day...went down fer bola@st.wilfreds... dragged ma ass down there upon e insistence of ma teammate...feels awkward coz there are like a number of new faces in e team n all...we won 4-o...like finally!! hopefully we will carry on playing like this...all e way to e final.....before i bid goodbye...

its.august.

2005-08-01T11:34:00.000+08:00

what do u know....itz august...2/3 of the year has passed us by ever so quickly..finally ma eyes are so much better now...no more pain or itchiness irritatg e hell out of me no more...so i guess i'll be back to werk come this thursday..got news that the company will cutting costs...which simply means zero overtime...not that it bothers me..but the fact that such a well-established company can come up with such measures..its really an irony??overtime or not...ma mind's made up on one thing tho...itz been made up a long tyme ago...juz waitinig fer the ryte time and opportunity...when e tyme comes..whoever's reading this will noe...gotta catch some shuteye for now...itz noon...time for ma nap.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..itz august

nad & nieces

2005-07-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

taken on one fyne day..............................

i.need.my.nicotine.fix.

2005-07-29T13:13:00.000+08:00

itz friday again...eyes gettg better by the day...tho e progress is kinda rather slow...coz i need them for sunday..dunoe why juz have e sudden urge of playg soccerall over again..wat's more itz a 7a-side comp..been a while sinced ive played in comps..being on mc and not being able to get out of the house sucks.. killing tyme is like waitg for a slow death..creeping behind ya back as the seconds ticked away...watching tv 24hrs...starg at e pc...laze in bed...im running out of things to do...need some help here.i need ma nicotine fix.running out of nicotine....

swollen.eyes.infectia

2005-07-27T20:41:00.000+08:00

swollen eyes.my infection.cant face e mirror.urrggh..another 4days mc..another week w/o werk.july=infections.disease.i wonder what's gonna happen next weeek...i hope i recover fast.i dun wanna be missing out on things and all e action out there...cant afford to miss out on werk too..(surprisingly)...*winks*
august will be a new month with a new resolution...new attitude...i juz wan july to pass...july's been a drag..a nitemare.

viral.infections.

2005-07-26T11:03:00.000+08:00

2weeks back....i was down wit corneal ulcer..took forever to recover...2weeks on..im down with a viral infection...both eyes..wad e hell ryte..woke up wit bloodshot eyes on sunday mrning..a scary sight...hopefully i dun pass it to anyone.such a drag...july's ending soon n so are ma finances..dollars come dollars go..fast.so many crazyshitass things happened in e past 2 weeks....madness datz what i'll call it...im so lost @werk...itz like starting all over again...hospital visits r uch a drag...one of e reasons of ma depleting cashflow..feels like ive got so many stuff to write afta such a long time...ma new blogskin...thanks..u noe who u are..i dun hafta spell out ya name..like finally afta a year i got a new skin..ma circle of friends...everyone's busy wit their own stuff.zaid@ecp selling burgers n hotdogs...yeazid@afpd wit his new job.... farhan @sengkangstation....i'll try to catch up wit e rest whom i have went MIA for e past months...7mths gone n i still feel that i havent achieved much during this period of tyme..tho one good thing did happened to me n i hoped it'll last... coz itz supposed to be that way...we'll make it happen one day....for now i'll juz carry on putting eyedrops in ma eyes...hurhurrrr...

good.morning...saturday

2005-07-16T12:21:00.000+08:00

wet.rain.drops.rain.falls.rain.trickles..down on my rooftop..waking up to a wet&chilly saturday morning...lefteye.bad.righteye.good.lefteye.infection.
corneal.ulcer.no contact lenses for me till e specialist says so....4days.mc.sad?happy?no perasaan...coz tinkg back...i wudnt wanna mess ard with ma eyesight....like e most important thg u wouldnt wanna lose..is ya vision scary...so as for now.will juz sit back n enjoy my break from werk...gonna catch up wit stuff n frenz which i have been missing out....

blurry.images.

2005-07-14T10:21:00.000+08:00

itz e 2nd week of july now....ive not even started werkg as yet...first half spent in camp training...2nd half..on mc for eye infection....im pretty much fcuked up la..ma werking attitude n all....at e rate of ma MCs n leave...wun be surprised if ma boss gonna pull me out of shift...let alone fire me??scary thoughts...but i dun give a fcuk la...im sick of e job anyway..always been....ive been spending way too much...den ma budget permits me to...tthat's even scarier fer me...contemplating n toying wit e idea of buying a car....coz mummy kinda hinted that she's gonna help out wit the downpayment n all....yeah yeah im mummy's boy...!!how cool wud that be ryte...driving n ridng at e same tyme...i'll take ma tyme tinking over it..gonna lose sleep tinking bout it...dat im prety sure...finally ive cleared e mess that's been piling up in ma fcuking room...me being lazy all over again...clothes strewn all over n everywhere....im still waitg for ma dream job...e wait is killg me..am i juz not good enuff fer it??august...that's when i'll execute ma plan B... sorry...but i guessed i really hafta u noe.....i need e stability n somethg wic i can call a career......once everythg is settled n sorted out with myself....i will return back....

story.for.a.getaway

2005-07-09T13:08:00.000+08:00

guessd that afta so long i really hafta let it all out....if ure reading this i hope u'll understand it all...juz wen i thought that i fell for someone real bad...someone real..i fell back juz as hard...the romance only lasted 3mths...but i'll cherished the moments n memories we've shared....of all the heartbreaks&heartaches we had to go thru...i still had to let u go...respectg your choice to leave..tho i disgress...u let me go w/o a reason...pretty hard wen u hafta come back n go now n then...making trips to n from jakarta....tho it hurts..it stills sucks!!i wish u all e best...in ya studies in australia...i'll nva forget the day...knowing a gal by e name of diandra........................................................

i didnt noe that ma blog could actually be a cause of misunderstandg for some people out there.......wat the fcuk ryte??before i proceed on...if any article on the
blog offends/insinuates anyone out there...i apologize.if not...juz keep on reading...mouth shut.now that..ive spilled eveythg is out in the open....i'd like to thank a few friends ou there...who gave me countless advices..opinions..your 2cents worth meant a lot...alyssa&atiqah..u gals rock ma world!!crazy lil gals...always makes me smile....my k-kopi crew...ahahhaa e emo sessions... lastly...nadiyah..hahahahaa who listens to ma endless complaints n whinings...who tinks she;s cleverer than me..n more mature than me....wat e hell...but u stood by me to help me go thru it all....thanks for everythg.........

six.years.plan

2005-07-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

today will be ma 2nd last day in camp....had a lil naughty excursion wit the guys last nyte..sneaking out for late nite supper and drinking session @terminal.. a new joint at the newly renovated changi ferry terminal...nyce ambience n all apart from that it can get very hot there...went looking fer "chicks wit dicks"...so many of them...good money i tell u...hahahaaa

on a lil serious note....things will come in place soon..things will be right soon... like a jigsaw puzzle waitg to be pieced...waiting silently waiting anxiously... confessions n secrets revealed...confusions n contradictions surfaced...ive come so far.....i wun turn back now...

the.secrets.so.far....

2005-07-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

itz been awhile sinced i last update e fcuking blog....last week was such a drag... time was slow..werk was slow..but the weekend's over.my honeymoon starts now..the romance...how long will it last....i wun noe..i hope that i dun hafta noe... yeah you...dun turn around...coz u only you have the answer..im currently in in-camp training @9div,selarang camp.great to meet up wit ma crazy lazy kakis... all bumped out in the bunks....refusing to do werk...anyway itz onli fer a week.. ive got so many unsettled issues at hand....tryna sort it out one at a tyme...

secrets are meant to be kept..secrets are meant to remain a secret...darkest & deepest secrets are only meant to be shared wit ya loved n closed ones.....
now ma secrets are with u...each n everyone of it.

childhood&brotherhood

2005-06-26T17:07:00.000+08:00

itz e weekends again...tho this weekend kinda different...2 of ma childhood frens got engaged n married...feels so weird looking at em all dressed up...for god's sake these guys are the boys i used to do silly n stoopid stuff with...from our first stick of cigarette to our bola days... we used to do everythg together...from primary school to secondary havocness...scary how time flies passed by u...congratulations to both hisham n nirman....

last week....pretty much chilled out....went here n there n everywhere....juz pretty much enjoying e moments i have not...not gonna let go...

beautiful

2005-06-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

we walked on by... hand in hand..caring less the staring eyes...of lovers&liars...tho itz wrong..we can make it right...questions left unanswered...let it remain that way...time always tell.so we shall wait for that beautiful day...

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

this.is.our.chemical.romance.me&u.

2005-06-20T03:54:00.000+08:00

itz almost 4 in the morning...yesterday..one of my best days ever..been a long tyme coming...missed e feelings of being wit someone..evrythg was so right yet so wrong...you noe wad i mean..but wad e hell...i dun wna tink i'll juz embrace e moments we shared...enuff wit heartaches&heartbreaks..let the sun shine in on me...itz juz nyce.i dun need to find more descriptive words...itz juz so picture perfect...too bad i cant show it here...arab street.lost.end up at escafe... sandwiches&pasta..black cow??black cow= root beer??nyce cafe n all...lurve e baked apple wit ice-cream..delicious!mountfaber.e last tyme i went up there was wit e guys...hoping to catch e sunset there...tho today e sunset seems clouded...
a blurred sunset...still nyce...someone stole ma freakg helmet...will e asshole please return it back to me??coz ure so gonna die wearg it,break ya neck n skull.. instant death!!blardy hell...haiyaaaaaaa...feels as if im on cloud nine...this is our chemical romance.me&u against the world.

kemana saja,kau berlari bersembunyi
ku tahu cinta mu kepadu teguh
tak ku peduli cara dan tingkah lakumu
kerna ku tak tak akan pergi
jauh dari sisimu

dengarlah kasih
kan ku serahkan segala kepadu mu

kan ku bina sebuah singgahsana
untuk mu berlindung dari hujan basah
apabila malam ku termimpi ajahmu
tak akan jiwa raga ku berarkhir nikmatnya
----gerhanaskacinta-----

change.my.mind

2005-06-17T16:01:00.000+08:00

is it possible...fer me to change my mind??change yours...graciously accepting me...can i change your mind??juz woke up frm slumberland...beginning to dread the effects of shiftwerk...itz been okay so far but i noticed that the last hour or so..im fighting a battle wit ma eyes...usually starts ard o5oohrs..my k.l trip was kinda both disappointg and interesting fer me.....disappointing in the sense that most of the stuff i wanted to get...was not there!!interesting...been a long tyme sinced i actually had a decent conversation wit ma dad...tellg me stories of his yesteryears of kl...govt..politiks...for once i realized that ma dad has really aged..frm e way he walks..his movements..everythg's taken a step backwards... but he's a fighter i guessed...took like over 200pix i tink...hahahaa madness of ma sista n me..i wanna plan fer ma next trip...hopefully bangkok??anyone?? e madness continues......................

a.quick.getaway.

2005-06-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

sunday's almost over...shiftwerk ok ok la...nothg special..tho i seriousli need someone to keep me accompany all nyte long...will be leaving fer kl tmrw...a quick getaway wit familia n all..finally a holiday..long tyme coming...the past few days have been kinda melodramatic in so many ways i can imagine..like a plot taken out of oc..e complications n confusions..evrythg all said n done. i tink pretty much everythg.but there's no end to the story.time will tell..i guessed..coz ryte now there's no point in second guessing or hoping....of what will be n happen...juz let me enjoy e "now" while it lasts...for how long i'll nvr noe...gotta pack ma bags..fcuk

im staring at a silhouette...
barely making out an image...
my breathe starts to choke now..
itz coming towards me, this figure...
there..you stood still standing.staring..
a face so familiar..recognizable...
u came close..n i start to shiver..
you held out ya hand..n whispered in ma ear..
let's go now...let us not make a mistake again..
ever again..

what.becomes.of.us??

2005-06-09T00:10:00.000+08:00

two days straight...i woke up wit a heavy heart...a reluctance to face e truth of my doings..but the truth i spoke.the truth i wrote.itz heartwrenching.a confession so long overdue that it hurts.i didnt mean to hurt u.no intention of confusing u.didnt mean to lead u on.itz scary.why do things hafta end up like this??blinded by wat was in front of me all e while...took me awhile to realized that you were standing right in front me..to appreciate..maybe now its too late.maybe its not.i'll never noe fer sure. took me fcuking months to finally realize ma mistake.took me months to speak out e truth.e truth is out now. messing wit our minds now.so many complications.im blank now.maybe i'll let time decide..im at e end of road now.

Mungkinkah bila kubertanya
Pada bintang-bintang
Dan bila ku mulai merasa
Bahasa kesunyian
Sadarkah aku yang berjalan
Dalam kehampaan
Terdiam, terpana, terbata
Semua dalam keraguan
Aku dan semua yang terluka
Karena kita...Aku kan menghilang.. dalam gelap malam
Lepas ku melayang..Biarlah kubertanya... pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita.. dalam mimpi yang sempurna
Aku dan semua yang terluka
Karena kita...
Aku kan menghilang.. dalam gelap malam
Lepas ku melayang..
Biarlah kubertanya... pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita..

singing.song.of.heartaches.

2005-06-06T12:19:00.000+08:00

last nyte..i felt indifferent.i felt a sense of lost.been awhile sinced i actually went thru all this kinda roller-coaster feeling...it scuks..i shoudnt be feeling this way...not now...not anymore.. hopefully it'll go away....karma.what goes around comes around.images playg in e back of my head..so beautiful..so right.but all so wrong...im writing in circles..i dunoe why..questions answered by questions.im writing bout you..but i dun wan you to noe.......promise.

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone forget everything
and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go
And now the stars aren't out tonight but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye These memories can't replace
These wishes I wish and dreams I chase
Take this broken heart and make it right
I feel like I've lost everything when your gone
Left remembering what its like
To have you here with me I thought you should know
Your not making this easy
I never thought I'd be the one to say "Please don't, please don't leave me"
Take my hand and never let me go Take my hand and never let me go
Promise me You'll never let go
Make this last forever

weddings&makciks.

2005-06-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

my ferst post for june...been kinda caught up fer e past week wit so many chores to do n all...ma cnb intw...guessed i did okay fer that...crossing ma fingers fer now..tho i doubt that i'll make it somehow...reno fer e kitchen still ongoing.. pretty much done up...i like e vertical beams tho...gotta save up more $$$$$ to do more reno werkz...e house seriousli needs a makeover esp ma room...st soccer team scuks..seriously..but wad e fcuk la...im juz in fer e ryde la...there's onli a few that i can click wit....hanging up ma boots in tyme to come..soon...saw ahjoo e other day at simpang...somehow a sense of betrayal seeps thru me...dunoe why... like a betrayal to all vespies lurvers...

sunday...kak linda's weddg..tink ma ferst tyme calling her kakak...better known as nad's sista...as expected...me n ma familia...well practically anyone that i noe of...was present there..frm cuzzies to makciks...everyone's on e guestlist...fazly was bz clearg up the tables...me bz salaming everbody whu came 5feet near ma mom...or our table fer that matter...nad was in this beige kebaya outfit looking all sweet n demure looking....u muz be grinnning now!!e staring eyes.....hahaha
e awkwardness of taking a pix...nvr had i imagined that it wud be so difficult to take one...well datz done n dead...itz 0111hrs now...i wun be werking till thurs nyte...winks*

hotdogs&burgers.e.c.style.

2005-05-30T21:23:00.000+08:00

juz got back frm chilling session @ec where jiko was earning his keeps...running a hotdog&burgers stall...nyce place to hangout....kinda hot somewhat..sit back n relax ogling away at bikinis babes in skates...oohhh wud a wonderful sight ;) crapping away as usual wit taufik around...juz wanted to get away somehow...fcukshit manz...like ive said before n i'll say it again...$$$$$ never enuff fer me...wud e hell!!even such a big company can screwed up in their payroll dept...no wunder they their biz is on a slowdown...yet they blame it on the economy!! should be looking at the people taking care of their fcuking finances....even tho a day's wage is not that big..however it is to me...asswipes!!somehow im dreading the day im going into shift... too comfy wit ma current werking hours...wen that comes around..gotta change ma bodyclock once more....fcukshit!! seriousli now...i need $$$$....this is not even about me gettg started on shopping..wit the great singapore sale n all...plus i juz donated 25bucks to e government... i wud still call it charity....all this for a stoopid parking lot!!

taking.back.sunday.

2005-05-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

how i just hate wen the weekend is over...sundays scuks!!i guessed that we need longer breaks that juz the weekends alone...today was probably one of the werst sundaes...woke up @12...had ma cereals...check on emails..crashed back to ma bed...n all of these chores were done witout a wash....woke up again @1800hrs..had a lil roti john...slumped n watched tv till now...was practically channel surfing thruout e day....pathetic ay??maybe my body is tryna catch up on some rest...deprived of shuteye sinced thursday...bola on friday&saturdays...maybe i'll just quit playg soccer....for good..even playing for fun is no fun at all...not like during e good tymes before....i want my sunday back.i wanna make full use of tyme.period.something meaningful... something obvious...im in a blank now...maybe i'll stop blogging too ;)

queer.hairstyle.of.the.month

2005-05-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

itz e wkend again...coming to a new mth...ma werst bad habit i tink is gettg a haircut almost once a month..been a routine sinced ns daes...never will i ever get to grow it long...tho i'd probably wun cut it...e look i mean...here i am sporting an 18yr old kid hairstyle..in some jap magz...wud e fcuk ryte???finally i dragged maself to bedok...to see the progress of the ongoing reno fer e kitchen n my room...i have a new bed..which somehow can actually pass off as a wedding one...moms nva listen!!tink e kitchen will be nycer than i expected it to turn out...anyway..im tyred of repeatg e werds...so let her be...got news that im gonna go on shift...like finally dey remembered...tho wen ma boss broke e news..i was kinda lost n looked blankly at his face...n juz nodded ma head in agreement..i should be excited but im not...i shd be thankful but im not...maybe e wait took away all e excitement of it all...was going thru ma album...looking at mugshots of meself wen i was a wee boy till now....the days of growing up...e pain of growing up..coz watever it is....pictures never lie...every single picture paints a story..of a moment...of a timezone...of a history...from e small wee boy in oversized helmets in camo outfit equipped with a AK-47 in tow...to the...smart haired teen with nerd spectacles wearg oversized jeans n skate shoes....now...dark tanned guy wit scrawny arms decked in tees&berms smoking a fag(a MUST) @ some place called yasalam....chillingz...itz 1800hrs...im headg there now...ciaoz

law.of.the seed.

2005-05-24T18:51:00.000+08:00

Law of the Seed.This is a very good piece of thought.Read carefully and relate it to your life.How many times does a footballer try before he can score a goal?The Law of the Seed.Take a look at an apple tree.There might be five hundred apples on the tree, but each apple hasjust ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds!We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a fewmore apple trees?"Nature has something to teach us here.It's telling us: "Not all seeds grow. In life, most seeds never grow.So if you really want to make something happen, you had better trymore than once."This might mean:You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, one car, one vacuumcleaner, one insurance policy, or a business idea.And you might meet a hundred acquaintances just to find one specialfriend.When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get sodisappointed.We stop feeling like victims.We learn how to deal with things that happen to us.Laws of nature are not things to take personally. We just need tounderstand them - and work with them.IN A NUTSHELLSuccessful people fail more often. But they plant more seeds.
When Things Are Beyond your control, here's something that you mustNOT DO so as to avoid misery in your life:- You must not decide how you think the world SHOULD be.- You must not make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.- Then, when the world doesn't obey your rules, you get angry!- That's what miserable people do!On the other hand, let's say you expect that:- Friends SHOULD return favours.- People SHOULD appreciate you.- Planes SHOULD arrive on time.- Everyone SHOULD be honest.- Your husband or best friend SHOULD remember your birthday.These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won'thappen!- So you end up frustrated and disappointed.- There's a better strategy. Demand less, and instead, have preferences!- For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself:- "I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!"This is really a change in mindset. It is a shift in attitude, and it gives you more peace of mind ...You prefer that people are polite ... but when they are rude, itdoesn't ruin your day.You prefer sunshine ... but if it rains, it is ok too!To become happier, we either need to
a) Change the world, or
b) Change our thinking.
It is easier to change our Thinking!IN A NUTSHELLIt is not the problem that is the issue, but rather it is yourattitude attending to the problem that is the problem.It's not what happens to you that determine your happiness.

p.s-taken from some email ive received..a true reflection for some of us..i assume

scratches&patches...

2005-05-21T18:18:00.000+08:00

itz gonna be a long weekend...another so-called deserved break for me..ive finally met wit an accident on ma gilera...aarrgghhh!!kanina....fcuked up..aint too serious but e heartache of looking at e bike gettg scratches...like they said...there's always a ferst for everythg...!!fcukshit...crashed into e side of a fcuking lorry...n stuck at e rear wheel...for a moment i really was like going...am i gonna crash straight head on??!!e thots that rushed into ma head..while ma hands are looking for e horn...so had ma bike fixed n done up earlier wit anz ... kingdom of heaven..good show..tho e king of jerusalem ended up walking like michael jackson??gives me e creeps...anyway..salehudin...e great islam warrior.. history lessons i shd start looking up soon..actually this blog is supposed to be about linda.this friend of mine...whose all sweet n nyce...hehehee.ihzat.mark.ah-tai.yeazid.syarif.shafiq.will continue this episode.....assalamua'laikum

monster@work

2005-05-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

suddenly ive realised that im in nowhere land...lalaland..n whatever u call it lah...coz i feel so stranded in this place where im at...in between junctions n traffic lites...a desert so vast...tink fer e ferst few sentences it was totall bullshit...but e point which im tryna get at is that im really lost ryte now....itz a sickening thot that keeps popping up in ma head...going thru e days n passing them by as if tyme nvr existed in e ferst place....e all so fcuking familiar cycle...in e werds of andrew galloway.."it aint barry...fcuking cunt!!"...im into ma 8th month in stm...great colleagues n all...smoking kakis...but still something somehow is bothering me up there...like everythg's not ryte...get it??im still on N6 shift till now.....that's wwhere u werk 5 days n have alternate sats... some info fer u fcukers...how long do i hafta fcuking wait to go on shift??anyway i wun dabble into e politiks @werk....its really gettg boring u noe....so let it be....kylie minogue has breast cancer.
michael jackson is a fcuking faggot.salleh is my hero!!muahahahaaa....who's salleh??starwars is opening tomorrow...damnit...gotta go watch it...

scrapes&bruises.idiots.

2005-05-15T14:57:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been pouring....good signs of good things to come??i'd like to officially welcome e 4th gilera to e family...as always it was e same 4 whu rode e vespies...ive been slogging like shit fer e past 3daes straight...been coming home late n deprived of shuteye...it sucks but wud e hell...i really need e spare cash....all this talk bout me quitting is gettg out of hand..let's juz see wud happens in 2wks tyme....if anythg happens that is...visited e place prata place @casuarina rd ydae wit nad....been a while sinced we last met n actualli had a decent conversation..she still looks e same..not gettg any fatter juz more smilier...i scraped ma knees n arms ydae during soccer..one of e most idiotic moments...needless stupidity...fcukshit i hate gettg bruised all over...ma house @bedok is like finally gettg a makeover..tink juz e kitchen n all...in a weeks time??shucks..i hope it turns out alright...e more reason i gotta slog even harder..harder than a dog...to earn ma keeps...it is aferall ma CRIB....maybe i'll slowly do it up in phases...but reno werks aint cheap...good money in there!!the time now is 1500hrs....sunday....

making.good.light.of.tymes.

2005-05-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

this week has been kinda an eventful one...been tryna keep maself busy wit wudever stuff that i can kill tyme wit...was @bar.none on monday nyte...was there to watch one of ma fav local heroes...force.vomit..i juz find that they have somethg bout em which makes diiferent from e rest of e local ones...basicalli it boils down to their music...e singalongs n catchy tunes..ones that will keep playing in ya head all day long...tuesday...??soccer was postponed to a later date n venue..fcukshit n nobody had e decency to inform me...headed back to werk in e drizzle n stayed on fer awhile...i need e extra cash$$$... ; ) well wednesday...went down to cnb fer some kinda psychometric test...which took like forever n e fcuking room was damn fcuking cold...n those fcuking people in there didnt have e brains to lower down e temp...coz they were like wearg their fcuking jackets n pullovers...idiots i tell u..went down borders to look fer more titles..looks like im gonna hafta wait till next paycheck before i can get em books again...n yes ive still have yet to finish up reading e other 4books...let me build a collection ferst...plus ive been bumping into old faces...sometymes itz good to catch up n all...e rarest of occasions n places...most likeliest of places-town!!
thursday...which is like 7mins away from friday the 13th....juz got home...watched the O.C...now ime here updatg this blog ure readg...i need $$$$$$
being lazy doesnt really helps...being me doesnt help...asswipe

cheesyfries&cheesydogs.

2005-05-07T18:07:00.000+08:00

it seems that ive been writing in pairs lately...cheesyfries&cheesydogs.fattylicious...yummy.. thumb sucking licking good...was @bfd,eastcoast last nyte...chilling out some real music..good food & eyecandy crowd...evrythg in the mix..sometymes i wished i was e one on stage rather than e one watching it...looks kinda fun..the crowd was kewl..office people in their officewear some really fyne ladies..n a groups of 18yrs olds...i hope e place doesnt become their fav haunt...i haf nothg against em...but i have this feeling that in time to come...e place will be crowded by 18yr olds mats&minahs....i saw this gal..staggering walk n all..looking at her table..there's like onli a jug of bourbon shared among 5 of em...another was on e brink of puking..covering her mouth wit both hands...c'mon that's like horseshit n all...whu pukes over a glass??let em be....i'll have ma own fun watching all this characters..i really need a shoe rack fast...too many shoe boxes all over e room..ive juz added another pair to ma collection...another of em sneakers!!quiksilver...im killing maself here on a saturday evening with nowhere to head or anyone to play....sometymes i admit im juz lazy...rotting away @home playing ps2...itz either that or i read...but ryte now...im not in ma bookwerm mode...i need a mood fer that too...weekends they juz come n go....fast....

im.counting1..2..3..4.

2005-05-04T01:41:00.000+08:00

am counting 1..2..3...4..5...sleepless nytes are a rarity to me.i treasure ma sleep.sleep is precious to me.somehow...tonyte..is an exception..here i am blogging in the wee hours of e morning...am counting...6..7..8..9..im tryna recall e frenz ive made over e years...e acquaintances..e buddies..e crew..also e frenz uve lost along e way...e phases u go thru in ya life n all...e happy times..e miserable ones...growing up drifts apart frenship... in many ways more than one...im lucky to have a group of close friends....i mean these are the people u turn to wen u are in dire straits.. even in good tymes too....how many of these frenz can u actually honestly call true frenz?? there used to be a clique of 10??maybe..more...in tyme..the clique broke into 2...naturally due to a conflict of interests...each clique becoming bigger on itz own...the bigger the clique gets..e easier it breaks..ive experienced this before...acquaintances are what i'd like to call familiar faces in awkward situations...acquaintances acknowledged u wen they think they noe u...or ure wit someone familiar to him...try acknowledging back in a different tyme n place..most likely u'll get an indifferent stare back at u....it alrdy hit 2 on e clock now..im counting 10...11..12..1.3....

suntans&sunburns.

2005-05-01T20:23:00.000+08:00

itz e 1st of May...cant seemd to remember e last tyme i had a camping&bbq outing...u noe..all this overnyte hangout thingys..e past 24hrs i was @pahlawan beach...a gathering of ex st.pats & temasek poly studs...tents.hammocks.bbq.chicken.wings.mosquitos.music.everyone's bringing someone.someone/gf.someone/fiance.someone/buddy....itz kinda interesting wen u organize this kinda things...catching up wit lost friends...filling me in wit details of their happy life...career... significant others..again'..everyone else seems to be growing up...i lurve bbq..but ive noticed that usually i wun eat em afterall...maybe i luv being around fire&smoke??will neva noe...everyones blasting away their ipods...there's always a clash of preferences..let me put it this... peterpan.vs.jimihendrix.radiohead.vs.thekillers.beatles.vs.jet....im smoking away tryg hard not to get those damn chicken wings burnt...as sunrise beckons,everyone started retreating to their tents...fcuk i feel like im storytelling...so we played under e sun in e morning swim.tan.pathetic volleyball.swim.laze around before we headed home all dark n tanned! tomorrow's a holiday...thank god.. n again im dreading the day after...so anyone??got plans??

hustler.in.lurve.

2005-04-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

im looking.im staring away.lost in thoughts.lost in translation.look back.ever wondered why 5yrs back...there are so many things why u didnt do..or should have done??study harder...play harder...n whatever stuff u had in mind...i dunoe why im writing all this down anyway...shitz. im counting days again..1/3 of the year gone.why do even bother to keep track of time??talking bout time...i want a diesel watch!!my mind is spinning ryte now.malfunction.killing time updating my mindless entry.period.

stripes.makes.me.dizzy.

2005-04-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

stripes.thin.fat.vertical.horinzontal.stripes.im going dizzy staring at em....im a sucker fer em ryte now.stripes.crazy.april is ending soon.time flies wen u dun take notice.me.im always dreading e day after tomorrow.like they said.."take each day at a time..."yeah ryte??dreads so much wen u have nothing to do.dread it wen there's plenty to do.some will label me as a pessimist.some juz say i tink too much.cool eh...the opinions of the people around u can conjure up.me.let them be. i always believe that people have the rights to their own opinions.thoughts.decisions.say.

poolhalls&cuesticks.

2005-04-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

sunday=lazy.im sure that almost everyone can understand that equation,better still relate to it.
sundays.picture this...e sunshine ,cool breeze blowing in ya face on a sandy beach...wit kids building sandcastles...skimmers&suntanners...this visual image...the typical sunday getaway...
never gonna happen..well at least in ma case....let me fill u in on ma sundays...wake up at 12(still not too bad)...wash up n look fer food(if there's any)...watch mtv fer like 2hrs(usually that's how long ma attention span last)...read a book(new hobby)for like 3-5chapters.....before i doze off again......ticktockticktock.....e clock reads half past 7.....usually by now it wud be time for dinner... so u see ma friends...dun waste e weekends like i do...coz weekends are e only tymes u get to haf ya own fun...ya own freedom...where hopefully werk does not creep into ya minds...waste it and before u noe it...u'll be in front of ya desk again...sure itz werking lyfe...sure its a routine...sure itz shitty....im pretty sure itz normal...but we dun have to bow down to it....maybe ryte now im too fucked up n lazy to even bother to do anythg bout it,too laidback...but im pretty sure i'll waking up one day not wanting to waste ma saturday nites n sunday mornings again.....

glue.llullaby.filth.slaughterhouse.

2005-04-23T17:52:00.000+08:00

10days on....clearing ma dues.bills.installments.i dun wanna live this life...a life of debts & cash register.a life of of fines & reminders...a life i forsake...but who am i kidding??this is singapura... where dollars & cents talk...there's never silence..not even a whisper of it.im sleeping now. mind's dead & switched off...hibernating mode.recharged.dead cells.im into books nowadays..having a good read before bedtime.tryna find more good reads.itz end of the month again...broke.drained.
finances limited again by e ever piling bills & reminders...walking down orchard road.saturday.. bad idea.the kids are out to play.throngs of them on the streets.traffics always bad.idiotique taxi drivers.jaywalkers.tired of living.street pedallers.surveyors.the typical scene of a saturday in orchard.headache.mindstrain.im waitg for the clock to strike 7...exactly 53minutes to go....itz ticking slowly...patiently.

coffee&tv.books&ciggies.

2005-04-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

ive been looking out fer a new kegiatan luar darjah(hobby or pastime whichever u prefer )...to keep me bz afta ma werking hours...itz been a while since i did somethg honestly useful let alone doing somethg in e ferst place...cant be facing e pc fer hours or slumping back on e sofa watching tv shows all day long...i got maself 3 books...yea...ish reads...who would have figured ryte?got 2 from cult authors...irvine welsh n chuck palchaniuk..i tink thats how u spell his name...maybe i'll even start a collection...ryte now...im tinking of another activity...contemplating and still toying with e idea of taking up music lessons....
piano or drums??i need some help here....im already starting to dream........... playing songs of coldplay n alicia keys............hitting e drums like travis barker...
gotta sort this one out fast...anyway tomorrow's already wednesday...sighz..
i got into stm soccer team...so hopefully i'll get to play some soccer soon...IF i even get e chance....u noe how favouritism always werks ryte...new guy wait..old farks play...wouldnt be surprised if that happens...coz e selection was based on e futsal comp...it didnt help coz ma team beat one of em "st teams".....trust me...it was a great feeling!!till then....gonna catch up on some reading...;)

vespas.and.gileras.

2005-04-10T12:27:00.000+08:00

see the 4lovely vespas on the right side of this blog...these scoots used to rock our world!!these scoots were our lives...they mean everythg to us...they still do...now there's only 1 remaining....all of us have sinced changed our rydes.... shafan.kechik.anz.maself have got ourselves GILERAS....we needed a faster ryde..more efficient.less problematic.more reliable n obviously more speed..... itz juz a coincidence that e 4 of us got e same bikes...fazly??he's still riding e vespa..tink he got bigger ambitions...i dunoe why im blogging this..guessed the pix reminded me that once upon a time....we were all so madly deeply into our beloved vespas...2yrs plus...finally e romance ended abruptly...vespas will always have a place in ma heart...let's burn carbon!!

fever.by.accident

2005-04-09T17:13:00.000+08:00

its saturday again.....have u ever wanted to fall sick juz to run away from werk..from skool or somethg??i fell sick yesterday...for real!!i was running a 38degrees fever...shitty i tell u...practically bed-ridden...it always feels much better to fake it..i slept thruout e day...ignoring calls n smses left by frens...
i dread going to werk on saturdays...juz a drag...but somehow today i got up ... got redy without hesitation with a desire to werk*(its ma off day)...was kinda surprised somehow...if onli i wished it wud be like tis every week...one of ma good days i guessed...whatever it is...e ferst week of april is over...plenty more days to come...n dread....i missed ma frens...some of whom ive not met for quite sometime now...let me list em out....laila.tyfa.ah-tai.ihzat.ajidz.nad.linda.clare.
well....if ure reading this...call me out for coffee or somethg k.....i really need to take a break.....travel or somethg.....soon!!somebody fly away with me........

slow.death.by.circumstances.

2005-04-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

itz drizzling now outside...e rain pelting down on ma zinc-roofed balcony...itz been e same for a few dayz now...stoning away at e tv screen..or staring away at e pc without realising the passing minutes....well...that's ma routine anyway.. i need a hobby...somethg to keep me busy...keep ma brain active..blood rushing...
moving on...here's a thought...ever wondered how ya lifes would or could have been if ya had taken a different path along e way??well...had this discussion wit some friends....that's where i realised that many are not realising their dreams... not able to coz of circumstances n watever shit la....itz sad in many ways...but some things cant be helped i guessed....we live in such a demanding society where u cant afford to lose out on anything in fear of losing to the so-called rivals in lyfe...ashamed??embarrassment??self-satisfaction??pride??do we really have to go thru' all this shit without ever realising that in e end...it doesnt really matter??where it comes to a point of self-destruction....fcukshit ryte??different mindsets.different priorities.different choices.different paths.whoever is reading this...to some it may seem like bullshit...if ure one of them...u juz read 2minutes of a good one.

romantics&robotics.

2005-04-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

i had a dream of this gal...someone very familiar..someone ive crossed paths before...in the dream..we were together..so happy together...i wanna meet this dreamgirl..if only reality is as nyce as dreams...itz funny somehow wen i try to recollect the dream...the gal's face n all...i must have known her from somewhere somehow....moving on to...werk??shit.that pretty much sum it all up...evevryone's busy getting certified for their werk....out of the 5 machines..i still onli noe 1 of em...coz why??everytime i wanna learn somthg new...i'll be the one...to follow up on somethg else instead...so itz hindering ma learning curve...dun they still get it??well...wud e fcuk la...nowadays im juz going thru e motions @werk...lunch...smoke...clockout....as long as they dun question me...i'll be fyne i guessed...i wun learn much anyway...itz a drag doing the same old shit week in week out...datz wud u call routine.juz realised ma futsal team name is spartans??i dun haf a say anyway...the semis are tomorrow evening...hope we reach the finals...they gna make it like a carnival thgy or somethg........so that will pretty much juz leave me with sunday...have no fcuking clue wad i can do with a day off....coz wad ive been doing fer e past sundays...is to rot in front of the television..smoke n eventually doze off....wish me luck~~

rainy sunday

2005-03-27T18:51:00.000+08:00

itz almost 2wks now...dun exactly noe wat ive been up tp last week....been really occupied with lil errands here n there..all i can remember of last week is that ive been sleeping way too much... btw..the futsal comp went great..me n ma team of strangers got into the semis...weeee!!the darkhorses or underdogs of the comp..watever la...the semis will be held this sat...so fcuking cannot wait fer it!!remember ma application for CNB..??guess wud..they've called and i haf no idea bout...fcuk ryte???!!onli found out bout it ydae wen i visited ma parents...shitz..another chance gone..again..sometymes i wonder why dun they juz call straight??u noe i have a thing called a handphone...arrgghh..itz been pouring the whole sunday...kinda nyce but can get boring too wen u stay indoors for way too long...so many things i gotta sort out...really can't wait fer payday.........totally exhaust ma finances.....im tinkg of taking advanced diploma.....wat say u all??

gastritis...

2005-03-17T13:20:00.000+08:00

the weekend is nearing....anyway im on a 2days mc...gastric pains...serious!!a good break from the monotonous working life of facing the machines and dank air of the cleanroom... skipping meals is bad..i guess somehowit lowers ya metabolism rate..u become more n more lazy each day..always lethargic...always no appetite...my pc is down upstairs...so itz a real pain having to go downstairs to make use of the comp...confusing eh??ive juz like cleared all ma junk mails which i have been stashing away in ma drawers fer quite sometimes...from hp bills...to cpf statements... loads of them!!whr should i head down todae??tink i need fresh air...had ma deserved rest yday...so today thot of going jalan2....where??need a new wallet too...hopefully i can get it soon.... coz all ma cents are falling all over...anyway haf a good thursday ahead...

leaving....leaving??

2005-03-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

lindsay lohan is so fcukg hot!!dunoe why..but i juz hafta start wit that...ma blogs have been as irregular as ma werking hours lately...sometymes i really really dunoe wanna stay back late...fcukshit u noe!!wen i do that... doesnt leave much tyme to pretty much do anythg else....wash up n hit e sack....how's dat??geez...i'll nva get e hang of it i guessed...all this werking lyfe routine...nothing eventful took place fer e past week that i can rememeber of..normal shit i guessed...all i noe is that ma finances are depleting fast...gotta come up with a new budget plan...im hoping that i can move on to bigger things...bigger dreams...bigger pay....im crossing ma fingers now...will let u noe if it happens!!if not...shitz...i always hafta make plan Bs....aplenty of them sumore...
i need to go shopping....or at least i wanna go shopping...somehow it doesnt feel ryte not rewarding maself .. like a guilt trip...i tink nowadays ive been chilling out @mas ayu in siglap alot...good food but kinda pricey u noe...hehehhee....well itz tyme to count sheeps fer me now...cheers~~

salleh.aman.ish

2005-03-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

shitz...ive been lazing a lot...itz onli ma 2nd entry??wud e fcuk....juz got back from ma run wit aman n salleh....finalli salleh decided to join us afta several attempts of persuasion...muahahahaa
good run today....nice breeze thruout e whole run....as usual i was panting like a mad dog..aman skipping again...salleh??nowhere to be seen.....but it was a great!!it felt as if a huge burden has been taken off ma shoulders after every run...i juz lurrvvee that kinda feeling!!werkwise... pretty much e same shit..tho today i got a lot of shit n hammering from nagen!!hahahaa...i lurve disturbing that fella...drives him mad...i still feel that im e baby of ma dept...guessed itz good i guessed...epitaxy baby!!todae is champions league day...chelsea vs barcelona...chelsea is going down...yeaps u heard me ryte...ronaldinho will be the one orchestrating e downfall of mourinho's chelsea later this morning...im going for a 2-1 win for e spanish outfit...anyone??

threemonthson....

2005-03-06T12:10:00.000+08:00

my ferst entry fer march.....itz alrdy like 3mths into the year alrdy..time really pass by fast..was @career2005 ydae...accompanied shayma to seek advise on the degree programme that she wants to pursue in aussie.. @murdoch university...itz pretty much e same every year at the fair..i was juz looking ard fer somethg new...i need somethg new..too bad i cant pursue ma studies fer now..instead wad i did was enquiring on ma application status of the jobs which ive juz recently applied fer....bought ma nieces their pressies which ive promised them..hope they will like it...they better do!!coz i personally picked it out maself...mom n pops came to visit @a'ahs place...chilled ard wit them fer awhile...e ferst week of march is over...juz another passing week again...

myfirstexplosion

2005-02-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

BOOM!!!juz in tyme to turn ma head away from e shattering n flying debris of e explosion...u heard me ryte..a chamber explosion @werk wen i was doing some preventive maintenance on my machine...i saw i heard i turned away...a split second reaction i guessed...30cm away from losing ma face fer dat matter... evrythg happened so fast that it seems hazy to me wud took place...my buddy saw a spark..before e explosion..im still wondering wat is e root of it all??a ferst hand encounter fer me....am lucky to survive witout any injuries watsoever... people were tellg us how lucky we were...somehow i wasnt physically shaken..but trembling inside aftawerds...which made me realised e hazards n risks of ma job environment....dangerous...
phosphine.arsine.hydrochloricacid.silane.hydroflouricacid....toxic gases n chemicals....highly flammable...accidents do happen.shit happens.im not gonna burn any body part away fer a thousand dollars plus or so....there's no guarantee it'll neva happen again...they juz instilled fear in me...one which i was ignorant of all these while....thanks

huff puff...oxygen!!

2005-02-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

time:2000hrs.location:bedokreservoirpark.mission:5kmrun.went fer a nite jog wit aman earlier...i almost died of exhaustion frm e 5km run.lack of oxygen.lack of fitness.aman tho on e otherhand was skipping thru e run...run..run...but it was great...e feeling of satisfaction of completing e whole course...e feeling of perspire trickling down ya forehead!!so as u all noe..im as unfit as can be...today will e 3rd day i stopped buying cigarettes...but i do smoke a stick or two la,if people willing to offer,im willing to take...potest qui volt!!those whu noes wud it means will noe wud im gettg at....itz midweek alrdy.kinda fast tho it stills feel deadslow whenever im @werk...mindfcuked i guessed.nad....if ure readg this...i saw ya @nyp mcdees earlier...tried gettg u thru ya mobile but to no avail....he's tall!!ahahahaa....and he looks older then i am eh??hehehee...seriously ma body is aching all over...so wud im gonna do now is lie down in ma bed..n put maself to zzzzzzzzland.........nytes

farrer park...

2005-02-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

the weekend is almost over again...i dread it everytime it happens....lyk there's so many things undone n unaccomplished...it seemed like a pretty fast week fer me...being @werk n all...ive yet to play around wit ma new toy..im like so lost in all dis high tech gadgets...being e ignorant person that i am...had a cny gathering @bishan ydae...ma encik lee's house...met up n caught up wit e old campmates of changi camp...reminiscing e good n bad tymes there...i tink bishan houses are spacious...looks comfy to me....hungout @raimah's ydae afta bola sesssion...everyone was like having chicken kebabs..itz not realli dat nyce..neither was it awful...ok i assumed..but e funny part was...we ordered one by one..like after one's done, e other will order...e guy muz be going like wud e fcuk!! in heart...u wan $$$$..we give u $$$$!!!hahahaaa...

sunday-...........woke up like almost 2....afta catching e man u match last nyte....
felt so drained out today...so lazy to do anythg else but laze ard...ciggies prices are up again!!wats up wit that siaks....!!kanina....as much as i hate to give it up...which i tink i wun...this price hike would only strengthen ma determination to go look fer contrabands....hell yeah...trust me...im not gonna fork out 11bucks fer a packet of marlboros...itz gettg insanely ridiculous...isnt e govt rich enufff?? what e fcuk....fer now i shall restrain...itz a govt ploy to scare away e smokers...which i tink is werking...but as much as i hate to say this..why dun they juz ban cigarettes n tobaccos fer good??why not??itz all bout e money....godamnshitmuthafcukers!!

gong xi fcuk cai...

2005-02-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

itz been another lazy week fer me....especially @werk..wit all e shutdown n start-up shitz going on...no motivation at all...going thru e flow..mindless.im at a lost.e most crucial tyme of ma lyfe. itz hanging by a thread....a tyme where careers are built.am i building one ryte now??i seriously dun tink so...a career is lyfetime.i dun see it going in that direction...do people follow their dreams..or ambitions...or do they follow their diplomas n degrees..a piece of paper that will eventualli determine ya future??how precious can a certificate be??so precious that u can burn it away...shred it into pieces..or simply dump it away...Or do some even actualli bother?? simply following e dollar sign whrever it goes...pathetic??yes...realistic??yes...ideal??maybe....we're like puppets....cut off a thread..see wud will happen??im not really in an optimistic mood nowadaes.. not much to look forward for...ive nva been one anyway...i need some aid.im willing to listen. will someone advise me...to make sense of all this growing up..itz too fast fer me...whr everyones started running...n im still learning how to crawl....im numb now...i'll write again soon

keongsaikroad

2005-02-06T15:10:00.000+08:00

itz a blazing sunday aftanoon.....fcukin hot!!itz 3pm now...spent e day out yesterday wit aman.. shopping fer birthdae pressie fer his gf...met shayma along e way too...tho it was juz brief one.. i tink we covered e whole of citylink ydae...looking fer e gift...thank god aman had alrdy some ideas of wud to look for...so e search was pretty much easy..bumped into hanis n her sis...at citylink too...shopping i guessed.by e tyme we were done wit e gifts..our stomachs were alrdy rumbling..headed down to sakura fer our dinner... food sucks!!haris n sham joined us later... after wic we did more walking..ryte down to esplanade..mocca was playing!!some indon band...kewl melodics..cute vocalist..wit her waitress girly outfit!!passed shayma her bdae pressie..wic ended up being a difficult task coz she was surrounded wit her cliques..yea happy 21st birthday!!cudnt find any incense sticks for u..sorry..more walking.....headed down lau pa sat....looking fer food again!!chilled again....before i headed down to keongsaikroad...some ppl wud be wunderg now??whr e fcuk is dat??hahahaa...even i dunoe..yeazid n frens had organised some private party..turnout was pretty bad, better luck next tyme dude..so we juz laze around n chilled, listening away to e music..opp e place was a karaoke joint..e plc called talkcocksingsong.....hahahaaa how cute ryte!afta all e chillg...headed down to some coffeeshop fer our supper........i cant recall doing so many things fer one day!!amazing.....

chroniclethargy

2005-02-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

ive been feeling under e weather fer e past few daes...lethargic..lazy...numb.. everythg else but awake.somethg's wrong somehow...finally ma project has taken off...tho i wud still tink its in its infant stages...e very least its started...been delaying it over a year..mind gotta keep on flowing...concepts n designs...colors n themes...gotta stay original.gotta keep on revolting.ideas... inspirations..captures...muz not be straight!!so whoever tinks he/she can contribute in any ways...by all means...cash wud be nyce too...actualli support is all i need...oh yea n tyme too...coz im really deprived of that...tink i better go catch some shuteye..gotta send ma daddy to sgh in e morning!!im not so fcukg gonna werk tmrw....!!hell yeah...

sentosa

2005-01-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

haf not been updating as frequent as before....lazyness creeping in...so many stories so lil tyme...spent e day at surfnsweat@sentosa... took part in some beach soccer thgy...lets juz forget bout e comp...been a while sinced i went down to sentosa..e whole event was kewl..goodie bags,fashion show,babes in bikinis.... beach volleyball n ultimate frisbee comp...bands jamming on stage..everyone was playg maroon5 songs...wud e hell!!it was blazing tho...e weather...sun,sand n sea...everyone was doing their own things...sun tannning...chilling n slacking in under e hot sun...me n ma frens..we were too caught up wit juggling ball admist of everyone...showcasing our skillls....start puking!!im all dark n tanned now..not dat i wasnt before...hahahhaa...tink im too dehydrated from being under e sun fer so long...i got a thong..any takers??i dun have any use for it... it came in e goodie bag!!i wna keep on ranting...but ma braincells r dead i guessed from all e radiation earlier...surfnsweat rocks!!

disappearing act...

2005-01-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

so..where shall i start??ive dissapeared again..fer 2weeks.somehow...itz partly due to my werk...been doing too many overtimes n been too lazy to hangout after that...sorry dudes!!oh yes...itz not because ish is busy seeing some chix or somethg..so get that into ya fcuking heads!!werk has always been shitty nothing new...so many things so litle time..itz nyce to see ma parents n whole familia on hari raya haji...itz makes e house a little more chaotic n lively..wit all ma nieces n nephews running all over e house, it can be quite a headache..n being e uncle that i am..i let them be...kids will be kids afterall..me?im juz lazing on e sofa watching tv..eyes half shut.one e only times i getta sample ma mom's cookings... yummy!!met up wit ma old buddy..yeazid wit his beau,siti,fer like ten minutes....hahahaa we'll hangout n chill one of these daes yah...went down to zouk...ihzat had some free tix to some event..there a few of us...ah-tai wit his beau,cynthia..friendly gal...linda n some of ihzats frenz...somehow yday felt different..like everyone is so laidback..everyone wit their own cliques..me??im juz happy wit ah-tai.....cheers~

apparently...met up wit linda today...coz she left her hp wit me last nyte...after all that shit which went down yday...we had nowhere to go...eventualli heded down to east coast beach...i missed going to the beach n all...watched e skimmers kids doing watever they were doing....everyone was doing everythg.. from picnics,bbqs,running.....e list never ends...it was really a hot day..not that i mind tho...coz im already dark anyway...wudnt hafnt made a difference..i wished e weekend wouldnt go away so soon...im still in a lazy mood..haizzzzzzz

money matters

2005-01-09T02:42:00.000+08:00

this is ma 1st entry for 2005...

it seems like it took me quite sometymes to update e blog...1st week of e new year
im not that all busy, juz can't seem to find e tyme & things to blog...excuses datz what i call it!!here's a thought..where do u see yaself 5yrs down e road??scary?? some disagree wit me...im not looking forward to it...but neither can i run away from it..hiding is juz a temporary solution.5 years from now......there's gonna be a whole lotta changes..scary??no..??yes..??i guessd people have their own perceptions & opinions on life...different situations renders for different measures..many answers same problems...e only one common factor which i can point out is money...or which i might add...e lack of it.it's never enough..it'z never there for whatever reason when u need it...scary??i find it scary when ya whole lyfe evolves around the cash register..so when that happens...ya lyfe will evolve around work...when ya work eats up ya time, i wonder where's ya lyfe then??itz a vicious cycle...itz a sacrifice fer the thing u call money...dollars & cents...some people wouldnt mind doing it, some people do...i belong to e latter category...anyway thats juz me...reality is harsh & lyfe is not as easy as it seems
however...we dun hafta accept everythg that comes before us...itz juz a thought to ponder when ure lying in bed...

2twothousandfour4

2004-12-31T21:04:00.000+08:00

twothousandfour................................chapter closed.twothousandfive.........a new chapter.

wants,needs & fcukg resolutions..............
1-quit drinking??
2-smoke less?
3-i wanna fcuking teach.
4-girlfriend??
5-shoes collection
6-i want my tw200
7-new handphone
8-be punctual fer werk.
9-be an asm specialist.
10-i wanna travel more.
11-play soccer fer stm??
12-be more friendly.
13-smile.
14-stop making fun at people less.
15-move in back bedok?
16-mini ipod?digicam?
17-hit 160km/h.
18-make more money
19-budget
20-juz wanna be ishkhandar.

p.s-in no particular order....2005 bring it on!!

nadya comes nadya goes...

2004-12-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

im back...nothg much realli..juz ranting on aimlessly...werk more or less e same..yeah yeah yeahs wud's new ryte??itz been raining e past few daes...nyce cold fuzzy weather...too bad i always hafta drag outta bed every morning!!here goes....

final six months..........

july -jobless.again.interviews.rejects.interviews.rejects.empty.pockets.smiling.always.wanshi.
niteouts.farhan.gangof3.simpang.everywhere.changi.nowhere.somewhere.smoke.chill.bitch.
lyfe.career.everythg.somethg.nad.niece.nyce.crazy.

august -national day.happy.sad.angry.rejected.miserable.confused.twentyfour.old.yes?no..!!zouk.wanshi.boi.fareez.farhan.lame. vodka.kamikaze.nyce.lame.sad.stm.job.take?yes?no?
overseas.fcukd.fishing.everywhere.punggol.eastcoast.pasiris.anywhere.smoke.bait.coke n nuts.buy house??hmm.

september -reservist.in-camp.prc.nyce.regimental.lepaks.10daes.holidaes.15sept.stm.work.
asst.maint.engr.new.friends.justin.thengyee.karhui.manymore.orientation.stoopid.meaningless.
blearghh.

october -stm.epitaxy.ninja suits.lost.electronics.mechanics.what.the.fcuk?rahman.salleh. haris.hisham.tp??no..stm.training?no.self.taught.lost.in.cleanroom.grayroom.everyroom.
puasa.gilera.new.mommy's boy.hdb.house.cpf.bedok.me.house.

november -epitaxy.manuals.schematics.huh??huh??bah.lost.free.loading.free.wages.show. face.hariraya.pink.ikea.furniture.new.paintjob.werk.depressing.ish.depressing.life. demoralising.environment.mindfcuked.

december -me.now.here.then.blogging........

tsunamis and tws...

2004-12-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

itz a wet tuesday.work scuks as usual.drenched.tragedy.the tsunamis.the tremors.the earthquakes.8.9richter scale.scary huh...u can never see it coming, even wen u do....itz too late to prepare..once tragedy befalls,mindsets changed..fear instilled instantaneously.humans. there's nobody to blame...all we can do is go bout our daily lifes..pretty much e same ryte?? coz we'll never noe wen itz gonna hit us...juz a thought??e last 9/11 killed over a 1000 people.. however dis sad tragedy took away 25,000...so u see...do not anger nature, coz e repercussions are unimaginable.lives swept away by e angry waves, hands flailing in e waters, but everybody's running away,sinking shelters once called homes.....memories remain.

mon-daddy's eye op. success.vespa.baby.nadya.gone.650bucks.i.lurve.u.i.miss.u.romance.end. bikes.stickers.fiko.farhan.modtw.orange&cream.nyce.attention.seeking.change.of.mind.tw??. hmmm..mindfcuked??tw??

overcast skies.....

2004-12-26T13:21:00.000+08:00

itz a sunday...overcast skies looming above...juz a matter of time..before it pours.tink itz been raining e past 3sundays....ma baby nadya will be gone tmrw...sighz..sometimes u juz hafta let go.. shitty huh...e search for another bike begins...or maybe i shd not even consider gettg another... spent xmas eve @zouk...linda.ihzat.tyfa.n some other frenz there...i see a growing numbers of mats n minahs...scary i tell u....oooooooooohhhh everyone seems to be gettg a new handphones...frm e motorola pda style...7280...wud e fcuk...evryone else seems to be changing handphones...nyce...im still stuck wit ma ever trusted durable gonna-die-off 7210!! muahahahaa tink itz startg to drizzle...is dat a sign fe me to stay home??shucks....gonna go fer one last ryde on ma baby nadya....e romance ends here.

diesel,fossil,dkny,adidas...

2004-12-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

everyone ryte now.throngs of peeps everywhr.itz a headache i tell u..seeing so many people doing their x'mas shoppg.jostling here n there.e neverending queue lines.taxistands.i get so lost in e crowds sometimes.pretty much e same shit everywhere.singaporeans at their very best!!

continuation......

april.....kulicke&soffa.retrenched.happy.yes??.definitely.crazy.interviews.rejected.countless. unemployed.holidays again.kuala lumpur.train.shopping.petaling.hartamas.chill.soul searching?
nowhere.stagnant.mundane.simpang.everywhere.latenites.

may......labour day.devils bar.eastcoast.laila.overnite.fcukshit.crazy.fine.twice.daddy.69yrs old!!.broke.again.plans.none.

june......holidays.euro2004.tycohealthcare.fcuk.jurong.fcuk.temporary.$$$$$.smiles.werk.
scuks.fcukd up.fakefront.lakeside.interviews.shortlived joys.moe.m1.fcuk.missed.opportunities.
dejected.down.devastated.

realization of a reflection

2004-12-20T20:37:00.000+08:00

reflectg on the past.a realization of mistakes n regrets.of what should haf beens n nots.it makes u old, if not wiser..what u see in e mirror...are the products of your doing.scary??dont be...ure e creator of what u make yaself out to be eventually....be it good or evil.itz never too late to turn back...to refabricate & reconstruct...to redraw a self potrait again.retract.retrace e broken lines & join e dotted lines...like a jigsaw puzzle.time consuming.patience.so..dun juz read this entry..wat are u waitg for...start picking up e pieces n piece em together... e clock is ticking away....ticktockticktock.

eleven days n counting.....

2004-12-19T15:38:00.000+08:00

eleven days n counting....fast huh??it'll be 2005 soon...so for e next 11daes i shall reflect back on the events that had passed by...ever so quickly....resolutions??no more resolutions fer me starting next year onwards...seems like a chore to me...hard to hold on to it...so many years so many unfulfilled resolutions...tink i haf 2 people celebratg their birthdaes tmrw... big shout outs to syasya n suryani!!

january.....end of national service.struggling.barely surviving.deadbroke.frantic.resumes. carwash.interviews.miserable holidays.sleep.smoke.

february....kulicke&soffa.werk.miserable.interviews.kuala lumpur.chill.boring.fishing.late nites.dysfunctional.

march....still miserable.pessimistic.mechanized robot.more resumes.flailing finances.down.
nowhere.directionless.lost.sleep deprived.zzzz..fcuk.acquaitances.low morale.

to be continued......

preventive maintenance

2004-12-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

no mood to write actualli...so it'll be a short one.werk.lunch.conversation.uncle.weird.stranger. singapura.small.st.patrick's rocks!!again...strange stranger.werk.mindless.frenz.long.gone.a friend in need is a friend indeed??as if....bullshit.true.back to werk.mindless.aching soles. teary eyed.wafer.fcuk.wafer.scuks.overtime.more like killing time.punch out.gilera.130km/h!wee...nytes.

an entry dedicated to all mechanized zombies out there whu spent 14hrs of their fcukg day at werk...2hrs on e road....7hrs of sleep(if not less)...and e remaining time..god noes wud??

wet december

2004-12-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

itz e start of a wet december...even as i am blogging now..itz pouring outside, e rattling sound of e rain hittg e zinc roof of ma balcony..itz gonna be a long cold december,datz wud i tink anyway...n here i am tryna recall wud good haf i done over e past 12mths...i tink itz easier to count e bad ones, so i shant elaborate further..itz been an eventful year..k k moving on, ryte now im chilling to e sounds of gerhanaskacinta.....a pleasant distraction instead of e constant sounds of angry screaming guitars..heartwrenchg vocals n all dat shit...i did a helth screening check earlier at werk...found out dat ma cholestrol level is 3 more than e so-called limit which is at 200...but den again...they told me not to fret coz itz not been broken down to good n bad cholestrols..everythg else was okay i guessed...there's always room for improvement...maybe i should go about gettg an 11% body fat.. with ma current situation..NAH!! tink im realli lucky to haf aman n salleh around at werkplace...one of e reasons going werk aint such a drag anymore... nothing good comes out from our blardie mouths...itz either crap or horseshit..so take ya pick... hmmmm i juz wondering....wen was ma last entry actualli dis fcuking long?? guessed itz e weather..or im juz blogging blindly...e less u use ya brain..e easier e flow...see wud i mean??itz close to midnyte now..i shall end here..i dun wan dis entry to be a saturday one...it juz duesnt seem ryte

i luv ma tee..

2004-12-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

itz a monday again...nothg much realli, i juz got maself a new pair of of spectacles..BUM EQUIPMENT bag..a KISS tee..i juz lurve it so much!! need a pair shoes too...coz someone fcuking idiotic moron stole ma freakg pair of jack purcells!!u're gonna so rot in hell...muahahahaaaa..im really tyred actualli..all e blood rushing thru ma head now coz i juz came back frm ma nyte runs...all i wan is to lie down in bed n dream....before i do dat...dira..thx fer gettg me the cd in kl....been a long tyme coming!!nad....i thot u gonna change ma blogskin??hmmm...or u bz ehem.... didnt realized we're still e hot topic aftall all dis while hahahaha..... birthday shoutouts to ida..happy 21st birthday!!tyfa...happy 22nd birthday...!!

problems???

2004-12-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

problems???dilemmas??responsibilities??can someone pls break all dis down to me..gently as not to hurt ma alrdy spinning head...i had a convo wit sani...not sure how it actually came up..but everthg seems to pour out..e list juz goes on...marriage.housing loans.career.parents.itz like neva endg...it juz keeps piling up..e older u grow..e convo turned into a discussion..frm wic almost turned into an argument...i guess it boils down to one's perception n subjectivity...guessd mindset changes all e tyme..or shd i put it...people learn from their mistakes n all their horseshit..coz they are able to reflect back on it aftawards...in e werds of sani.."i tink ure unhappy coz ure a person whom at werk needs to learn n do somethg...a defined job scope...not contented wit juz watching n idling around.." some shit like dat la... i guessd im blinded by dat fact...coz tryna get dat message across to him is hard...itz been almost 3mths now...wud haf i learn??patience??yes...mechanisms??zilche...procedures??yes... electronics??zilche...punctuality??yes...is this how itz gonna be??it better not...coz i wun stick around...people tell me i shd be grateful coz i haf a fcukg job...people tell me to be patient...am i not??people tell me do OT..earn xtra $$$$$...people tell me how lucky i am doing minimal werk earning $$$$...to all these people...a BIG FCUK YOU!!wud's e whole point wen u dun FCUKING learn shit n stay unhappy....miserable fer dat matter??

10 days later...

2004-11-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

10 daes later....n i haf a freakg headache ryte now..it juz wun seem to go away...n ma body seems to ache all over..fcukd up shit!!10 daes gone...tink dis year gotta be e most slackest raya of all tyme...come to tink of it, last week was kinda interesting...a lotta of things happened but im juz too lazy to elaborate here...itz none of ma bizness to put their stories here...well maybe e only other significant thing was during ma visit to zouk...yes, u heard me..i was at zouk last fri nyte..afta a 3mths so-called hiatus..enuff bout dat..i saw 'ain there..she's this gal frm design back i used to haf a crush on but nva had e balls to ask in poly days..itz not dat i dun expect to see her...but more like in a kinda surprising way....sometymes itz nyce seeing people u noe but haf nva met fer a very long tyme...n der are some whom u juz wished disappeared frm e face of this planet... k lah maybe outta singapore wud be good enuff ;) coz im not dat mean of a person aftall... muahahahaaa..ma head is killing me...fcukg shit!!

skeletons...

2004-11-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

itz been a week of hari raya alrdy...anyway it duesnt realli matter to me nowadays....gone r e daes wen im dragged to house visits...itz been a good week fer me i muz say...before anythg else. i wanna say a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAYS to NORA n CLARRISA!! seemed to have a couple of frenz celebrating their birthdaes in e coming week too...ok ok...can someone enlighten me please..why e fcuk do people stay in a relationship wen they are not being fcuking true to themselves...isnt dat juz like a fcuking lie??living in a world u create in hope that e image potrayed is a decent one to the other's half liking??guessed i wun undestand afta all...e thgs people do for e thg so-called love...oh yeah i caught bridget jones 2..is it?caught it last nyte over at cineleisure...itz been ages since i caught a movie...n wud do i do?i slept right thru it...muahahahaaa...i wasnt in a movie la ydae...sorri guys!!wahahahhaaa..speeding kills..dun speed juz cruise at 110km/h....alryte??hell yeah...

selamat hari raya

2004-11-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

selamat hari raya...!!maaf zahir n batin...dis year's festivity is pretty much a mellowed down affair...somehow there's an air of calm n serenity surrounding it..fer me??nothing's changed i guessed..wudelse is there ryte on e 1st dae?somehow i surprise maself...wearing a bright pink baju kurung..wit white accesories to go along wit it...wahahahhaaa funkymunkey it didnt hit me until onli afta e prayers..i started e dae at 6...wic was actualli e tyme i got back frm geylang...n i didnt sleep thruout til like onli noon..wen i practicalli concusssed..maybe e only difference dis year is...ma pockets are gonna get burnt!!i dun hafta to be reminded that im werkg...but den again i dun need ma fcukg relatives to remind me either!!wud e fcuk...hinting at e obvious...let me summed up e dae...prayers.food.kuihs.rain.sleep.vespa.pink.nieces.nephews. sistas.relatives.oneprettyniece.noisy.photos.smile.money.sleep. once again.....minal ai'dil walfa'izin...

syawal beckons

2004-11-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

2more daes to hari raya...how fast time flies..how fast a month passed. nothg much been happening lately apart frm e usual chores..im juz enjoyg ma deserved 5daes break..n im pretty sure itz gonna pass me by..in a flash.itz funny how that i somehow..i always meet my acquaintances in town..e ones i dun really like..or juz simply hate to e core!!well datz me... i will hate u if i dun like u...muahahahaaaa..i saw a lot of pretty things ydae in city hall..but as u all noe pretty things comes wit a price!!must get one em pretty things...

pig

2004-11-10T01:12:00.000+08:00

st micro.beach rd.tulang.kebabs.mutton chop.nasi goreng.yew mee.sugar cane juice.
rahman. haris.odie.imran.bakar.salleh.me.geylang.dendengz.char kuey.burger ramly.keropok lekor. mats. minahs.hot.sweaty.dead.cbr.yamaha.wave.gilera.ktm.
simpang bedok.prata.bomb.teh cino.teh gajah.teh halia.
n one blardy helluva sweet looking babe.enuff said.goodnyte.burps....

adjectives

2004-11-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

werk.lethargic.braindead.pathetic.chemicals.inhale.exhale.hydrochloric.hazardous.dizzy.
ammonia.nitrate.tagalog.eyes.face.mask.numb.dumb.mechanical.zombie.robotic.
programmed.malfunction.escalate.up.down.sore.body.drowsy.chloride.quartz.
time.slow.clockin.clockout.gastritis.bed.sleep.concussions.dreams.
tuesday.werk.cycle.routine.lame.dead.

7days

2004-11-07T14:44:00.000+08:00

sheeeshh..can't rem e last tyme i actualli turned in at 4am??now im still groogy frm ma sleep... anway nothg much happened during e past...e normal stuff i guessed...n werk?? last nyte had a an iftar wit e rest of e guys at mak's place...a good turnout i must say...20 people actualli came down..food was not bad..xcept dat i tink dey ordered too many prawns!!!ive finalli finished farenheit 9/11 fer e 2nd tyme...damn kewl documentary!! documentaries usualli r boring.. but michael moore makes it interesting!! michael moore rocks..!! so many conspiracy theories so many loopholes..so many unanswered questions...politics sucks! but datz reality fer u all... we r juz e puppets dat are hanging frm threads..

why does it always rain on me?

2004-11-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

haahahaa how apt...e title of ma blog...it seems to be raining practicalli everdae...morning.. aftanoons...evenings...sheesshhhh...n im always caught in e rain wen im riding...e past 2 daes kinda passed kinda quickli fer me...nothg much happened at werk or at home....juz dat ive been going to al-istiqamah lately fer prayers wit rahman..i see people going like"wtf??ish...pray??" hahahaa...im so used to dat kinda reactions...hahahaaa why shdnt i be surprised ryte?? i even surprised myself..ive not been a good boy fer a very long tyme...hahahaa someone help me please...!!i need a fcukg change...pretty much a makeover..!!hahahaaa

groggy saturday...

2004-10-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

aarrgghhh...itz alrdy 230pm,uz woke up. we down to jb fer breakfast...me n e gang...e usual crowd, had our ramly burgers!!ben a while sinced i made a trip there..hahaha coz i dun like!!or more like ma bike cnot make it e last time round..got back at almost 7?? now i seemed to be aching all over..frm e exertions of sepak takraw n all...im supposed to be in bedok...sighz..wen will e cleaning ever end??hahahaa..but i guessd dat will hafta wait..im realli realli tyred...n im supposed to go find some stickers fer ma bike..it looks dull...no it looks too innocent..i can't think im still groggy..maybe i lack sleep...woohooo..yade ferst paycheck!!but hmmmmm...will it be e ferst of many to come?hahahaa....k k im crapping..tink i nd to go bathe ferst n sort maself out!!! haf a great wkend all....

new found love!!

2004-10-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

yeah finalli...i found ma new found love!!wahahhaaa...ma new bike actualli...yet to name it tho.. afta all e waiting...bubbye vespa...dun werry i wun neglect u..u will always be ma ferst babey!! sheeeshhh...somehow need to make it more garang...hehheeee...anyway i got sumthg to share...lyrics by ma frenz...tink it was back in 96 wen dey performed it...kewl huh?? emo at ferst sight...here goes...

i felt so lost walking here
shadows over me, i felt so small..
so i took a pen & i
turn to ma favorite spot

feelings lost & locked inside of me..
confused emotions choking on me
i left coz ure never here
anyway this love song is for u...

concealed stories, never unfold
each day my heart u stole..
i persevere with u i bear...
but the truth is..u never care

btw...i still am lost in ma job...will someone help me??

spring cleaning

2004-10-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

e wkend is almost over..sheeeesshhh..fast ay??pretty much tied up wit ma spring cleaning at ma house in bedok....new furniture n all..loads of junks that ive chucked out...seems like there's more..tink i hafta go paint ma room..looks crampy somehow..basicalli dat sums up ma wkend.. oh yeah..had ma normal kickabout ydae n chilled wit e guys at simpang aftawards..been awhile since i visited e place..n wud e hell..it had to rain again...2daes straight i rode in e rain...arrgghhh lookout..there's gonna be a be new crew on e road...hahahha as if lah...but juz chk it out..maybe somedae it will be next "in" craze....wen wil wednesdae come??!!

as good as it gets

2004-10-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

da weekend is nearing.....sumtymes i ask maself...actualli ive been askg around, why do dey go into engineering line?????is it because of interest??e environment??but i wud haf guessd it wud be e $$$$$$...i hafta admit it pays well...so where does dat leave me...is it me??? i haf no interest watsoeva...n i cudnt care less bout e $$$$$$...itz not always bout e $$$$$$..well dattz ma opinion anyway...i believe more in self satisfaction...somethg that u noe u wud be happy in e long run....trust me....itzz a long run ahead....reality bites. exploration. ive always enjoyed meeting new people...datz whr u learn...different mindsets n opinions...characters...nva judge or question someone...everybody is different n special in their own ways...like some people who prefer coke to pepsi..n all dat shit....me?i juz like soya bean....

busy bee

2004-10-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

im back...seems like ma blog is becoming lamer by e dae...will try to blog more often...been too bz wit dunoe wud actualli...house...werk??hahahaa...werk...let's juz say im earning ma keeps doing nothg fer now...wud can i do??dey haf dis see no touch policy fer newbies....so i'll juz look n look n walk away at 1800hrs!!not a minute later....hahahhaa...wuelse...??hmmm...ive decided to scrap e idea of gettg a tw fer good....nad take note!!wahahhaaa..i wan ma gilera...muz get n will get..been bz in ehouse also..especially e one in bedok...doing a makeover....so im like running here n there....dousnt help that itz fasting mth!!woohoo....how fast a year passed yah...soon time will pass us by like nobody bizness..n we're still oblivious to it...k k....shall stop before i start crapping ...past ma bedtyme!!!wud e hell...itz onli 1145...til e nxt episode

Of tws n gileras

2004-10-10T11:13:00.000+08:00

sheesh...it took me also a week to actualli blog again..wats been happening??fer e past week..ive yet to recover fully from e effects of ma flu...gonna take me a while i guessed..werkwise...haizzzz been spending e whole week in office reading manuals..hardware..software..wudeva crap dey have to keep me bz...n wud do i do??stare at e werds...hoping that i can make some sense of it.. half of the tyme i will practicalli dozed off...or i will go hide in e loo to nap..hahahaaa..coz office is damn fcuking cold!!i feel like an outcast there...i hope dat i can fit in somehow soon...n im still trying to convinced maself that i can do this mat kilang job...orh if ure wundering wud dat means...factory werker!!im hoping to get ma new bike pretty soon....realli can't wait no more...n ma fren is onli willing to pay 300dollies fer ma baby!!wud e fcuk ryte...i still hafta reconsider on dat..went shopping ydae wit fazly got me some tees...cheap2...der r too many things that i want now...but all of em are not ma needs...oh yah went shopping too wit linda...as always she'll end up buying stuff..not me...haahaahaha nyce!!anything else...i guessd lyfe is pretty much okay fer me now..still waiting fer e day wen i moved back to bedok...which reminds me, anyone out there wna help me paint ma room??

sick monday

2004-10-04T13:14:00.000+08:00

wen was e last tyme i actualli got hold of a pc...been away fer fcuking 10 daes!!come to tink of it...i dun tink people actualli take notice of ma existence..e last 10 daes??hmmm..im like juz gna summarize everythg...ma training at st is over..n how i dread that!! werking in an environment whr everybody looks like ninjas!!looks kewl...but wait till u get into it...hah!nothing much happend...apart frm ma failing tv n pc....or so i thot??!!farhan n ida r such a cute couple dat i cant stop smiling...hahahaa..looks like everybody's wit someone.. e last i heard was ihzat cahsing linda!!hhmmm...veri interesting eh....been catching up also wit ma other frenz..whom i went M.I.A on em??oh yeah....wanshi where e hell haf u been??hmmm...been searching high n dry tink u having ya own fun nowadays huh??nad n dira..HAPPY BIRTHDAY GALS...!!wud a coincidence....i dun wna tink anymore...feeling veri drowsy frm e effects of ma drugs..im on MC today...itz a sick monday!!vomit.vomit.vomit.

cranberries

2004-09-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

itz been a few daes sinced i actualli wrote anythg...been caught up wit orientation n too lazy to do anythg else..got to noe some real colorful characters there..but e onet thg dat amazes me is the no. of female engineers there...i was in class listening to ma radio...how i missed the cranberries ode to ma family...soothing n mellow voice of dolores o'riordan..is dat how u spell it?e meaningful lyrics..e soothing sound of guitars..it was realli nyce...a much needed distraction from e ever so boring lecture..nothing much has been happening ryte now fer me...kinda monotonous...routine datz wud i say...i miss ma lepaks sessions..i miss ma late niteouts...i miss ma late suppers...i miss e daes where i haf nowhere to go..all werk n no play makes ish a dull boy!!veri veri dull.... dull to a point that i dun hafta tink no more...like a mechanical zombie..i refuse to be one!!aint gonna be one frankenstein...fcuk!!

sunday???

2004-09-19T14:58:00.000+08:00

itz 1500hrs now.staring at pc.feeling damn lazy on a sunday.realli realli lazy.to think.to get out of ma room.to eat.to walk.juz plain lazy.smoking in front of ma pc as e werds stare back at me.itz cloudy here in ma room.but looking thru e window..itz a sunny sunday.boring.need to find new vocabulary.sick of using e same old werds.time n again.lame.muscles overstrained frm running.fcuk.but i will keep on running.run n dun look back...run dawg run!!

two fucking cents

2004-09-16T20:34:00.000+08:00

bullshit..datz wat i say.edward norton said it best in 25th hour...enuff all of all e hypocrasies in this fcukg werld..has it all come down to this..so much fer evolution..open ya fcukg eyes.. watch e news read e papers..kids holdg guns with pride...mindless reality shows eating up ya fcuking brains...suicides on mrt platforms...are we digesting it all??black eyed peas hip hopped it best.. juz look at all e violence going on ryte now..senseless suicide bombings...racial attacks...killings afta killings..as we sit n watch e death toll rise...michael moore documented it all...bowling fer columbine n farenheit 9/11...he showed e world...all e conspirasies all e hypocrasies of the USA!! do we realli hafta take it??me??had enuff of all dis bullshit...we growing up in fear..fear of failing our parents..academics weighing us down from the day we started wearing our stoopid skool uniforms..n if dat is not enuff..there's e ever comparisons wit ya cousins n all...wat's next?? aahhh..ure a big boy now..go get a fcuking job..wud i meant was..a GOOD PAYING fcuking job alryte..so dat e comparisons can still continue frm e last one...itz neva ending bullshit i tell u...even before u start embarking on ya new journey..comes e next one..marriage!! wat e fcuk... i wun go into dat..heartbroken.fcuking messed up..e gal i lurve said goodbye.period.

the end of everything

2004-09-14T18:08:00.000+08:00

tuesdays have nva been one of ma favorite daes....always ending up doing nothing or not getting to do e stuff i want...ive been a very good boy the past few daes...been staying home lately... killing maself smoking...ive been running a lot lately...dunoe why??Ive shaved ma head... a new start..a new life??wudeva dat means la...fcuk!!not e start i was hoping for....i feel that i cant seem to win no matter wud...either way i look at it, i end up losing...e reality of it all. senseless blabberings..meaningless thoughts..starless eyes coz u stole e sparkle away

all fallsdown

2004-09-12T02:14:00.000+08:00

reborn.bittersweet.chemical romance.flailing.drenched eyes.gaping wound.burning cigarettes. motionless.resuscitation.wilted white roses.whithered.beyond recognition.pictures.black and white.distorted.time.running away.do not.turn back.i'm tired.really tired.goodnyte.sleep.silence dreams.

hopeless love

2004-09-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

200 miles away from home
200 miles beneath this lake is where my heart belongs
But you don't care at all
You wouldn't even smile if I were screaming as the water filled my lungs
You demand to be chased for your love
My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long
But you don't care at all
There nothing I can do to draw you close to me
Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again
I've been trying to forget the best parts of you
But I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow
Please be home tonight
I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel
Every time you're here.
What would it take for me to be with you
I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed
I'd go so far to please you but I bet you wouldn't care at all
Hopeless love please leave me
This broken heart is far to weak to run for you this long
Why don't you care?
I'm dieing for a place in your heart.
Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again
I've been trying to forget the best parts of you
But I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow
Please be home tonight I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel
Every time you're here.
Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight
And now I regret the day we met
Please let me forget your name.

taken frm "hopeless love...daphne loves derby"

looks??!!

2004-09-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

last nyte was a blast!!somehow...ydae was wanshi's dae of blurness...she got bombarded by nieces again..at the playground...wats new ryte?screaming lil nieces running all over e playground..so much fer innocent looks on ma nieces faces, headed down raimah's fer dinner whr farhan joined us later...afta dat ended up riding road fer almost an hour..wit nowhr to go.. frm ecp to aye.....nvrending...eventualli headg down holland village...been a long time sinced i went there..so much has changed!!chilled at some kopitiam..talkd more cock.bitch bout our frenz.hheheee boi in particular...fcuk sey so much fer decent looks hahaha..wen wanshi actualli concocted a new drink...aloe vera peach wit carrot juice!!she did dat w/o realising..realli was her slow dae last nyte!!was chkg out some malay chix...innocent looks wit a nice figure..well dats wat she tinks anyway..but i still tinks she's an escort or hostess sumthg like dat!!looks can be deceiving....realli!!